Choosing Adoption For Your Baby Guide

What is an Adoption Plan?

An adoption plan outlines all of your wishes and decisions as an expectant mother when it comes to your child’s adoption. Creating one may feel like one more overwhelming task, but it doesn’t need to be. In reality, your adoption plan is your most important tool in ensuring that you are in control of the adoption process. 

It Puts You in the Driver’s Seat 

Your adoption plan is just that: your plan. It’s how you make certain that your voice is heard during the adoption process. Every decision along the way—from choosing your child’s adoptive family to the details of your hospital stay—belongs to you. Sitting down to create the plan is your chance to put all of your preferences and wishes into writing.

It’s a Flexible Guide, Not a Rigid Contract 

Getting all of your preferences on paper may feel daunting, but know that you can always change your mind about specifics along the way. Your plan is a guide for you and your adoption counselor to make sure your needs and wants are prioritized,not something that’s set in stone. 

It’s also worth noting that your adoption plan is not the same thing as the legal consent paperwork that you’ll sign after the baby is born.

Key Elements of Your Adoption Plan 

It can be helpful to break your adoption plan down into parts so you can focus on your preferences for each. Below, we’ll dive into the three main decisions you get to make as part of your adoption plan. 

Part 1: Choosing the Adoptive Family 

One of the most important decisions to make during an adoption is choosing the adoptive family, and you as the expectant mother get to be the one to make that choice. Deciding who will raise your child is an emotional and complex process, so it can be helpful to think through the steps you will take.

What Qualities are Important to You?

A good place to start when choosing the adoptive family is to think of what you value most. Think of the type of home, environment, and value structure you would like for your child. Some questions to ask yourself might include:

• What values would I like the adoptive parents to embody?
• Is it important that my child be raised by one or two parents?
• Do I want my child raised in a specific faith?
• What hobbies or family traditions are important to me?
• Would I prefer my child to be raised in a family with siblings?
• Do I want my child raised in a city or a rural environment?

Reviewing Adoptive Family Profiles

Once you have narrowed down some of your preferences when it comes to an adoptive family, you can start reviewing family profiles. These will be provided by your agency and are usually photo books or short videos in which potential families share more about themselves. Reviewing these against your list of preferences can help you find a family that feels right to you.

Meeting the Family

If a specific family or several families feel like they might be a good fit, your agency can help you set up a time to talk to them. You are in charge of how and when this communication happens, and you can decide if you prefer a phone call, video chat, or in-person visit to learn more about potential families. These meetings are your chance to ask questions that can eventually help you choose the family who you feel is the best fit for raising your child.

Part 2: Creating Your Hospital Plan 

Your hospital plan is another vital piece of your overall adoption plan. Think through your wishes when it comes to labor, delivery, and your hospital stay. Your doctor can help you think through all of your labor and delivery options and choose what feels right to you. Your agency will then coordinate with hospital staff to make sure that your plan is followed.

Who do you want in the delivery room? 

You also get to decide who will be in the delivery room with you when your baby is born. Though you aren’t required to have anyone in the labor and delivery room, having a trusted person by your side can be a great comfort. You could choose your partner, a friend, the baby’s father, the adoptive mother, or anyone else who you feel will support you. 

How much time do you want to spend with the baby? 

The amount of time you spend with your baby after delivery is completely up to you. There is no “right” amount of time, and it’s different for every expectant mother. It can be helpful to think through and plan what this time will look like, but you can also change your mind and adjust at any moment.

Will the adoptive family be at the hospital? 

You will also want to decide how you’d like the adoptive family to be involved while at the hospital. Would you like them to wait in the waiting room or do you want them to join you and the baby in your hospital room? Do you want the adoptive family present most of the time, or would you prefer to have more one-on-one time with the baby? Choose what feels right to you.

Planning the placement ceremony or moment. 

At the end of your hospital stay, the moment will come when you entrust your child to the adoptive parents. This experience is sure to be filled with many mixed emotions, so you can choose exactly how you would like it to happen. Maybe a private moment in your room feels most comfortable or you may choose to mark the moment with a small, symbolic ceremony.

Part 3: Deciding on Post-Adoption Contact 

The final piece to consider is what you would like your relationship with the adoptive family to look like after the adoption is complete. The final contact agreement is something you will work out with your adoption counselor and/or adoptive family, but it’s a good idea to put your wishes on paper ahead of time.

Understanding Open Adoption (pictures, letters, visits) 

Open adoption involves ongoing, direct contact between you and the adoptive family. It’s a good option if you want a relationship with your child and adoptive family. You and the adoptive family will agree on specifics around how you’ll communicate and how often. Some options to consider include:

• Emails
• Letters
• Video visits
• A private photo stream
• Annual in-person visits

Understanding Semi-Open Adoption (mediated contact) 

In a semi-open adoption, you can still get updates about your child, but they will be handled through the adoption agency. All communication is kept confidential and is coordinated by a third party. A semi-open adoption may be a good choice if you want to know how your child is doing but don’t necessarily want a relationship.

Understanding Closed Adoption 

In a closed adoption, there is no identifying information shared between you and the adoptive family and no future contact after the adoption is complete. While closed domestic adoptions are less common these days, they are still the right choice for many expectant mothers. Choose what feels best to you.

How to Start Building Your Plan 

If creating your adoption plan feels overwhelming, know that there are many resources available to help you.

Working with Your Adoption Counselor 

Your adoption counselor is your most important resource throughout the adoption process, starting with the creation of your adoption plan. This person will walk you through every decision, making sure to do so at your pace. Your adoption counselor has experience and resources and will be by your side to answer questions and offer guidance and support.

Using a Checklist or Worksheet 

You don’t need to start from scratch when building your adoption plan. Your adoption counselor should be able to provide an adoption plan worksheet to get you started. Tools like worksheets and checklists can help simplify the process and make it feel less overwhelming by breaking down the steps and providing simple questions to guide you.

Your Plan, Your Choices 

The most important point to remember is that modern adoption is guided by you, the expectant mother. Creating your adoption plan is the best way to ensure that your choices are heard and respected throughout the adoption process, and there are a variety of resources to help guide you as you develop it.