How to “Give a Child Up for Adoption”
Step 1: Making an Informed and Confident Decision
Placing your baby for adoption requires a great deal of love and courage, and it’s also not an easy decision to make. Knowledge is power, and understanding the adoption process can help you confidently choose a path forward. No matter what, remember that you are in charge — only you can make the decision to pursue adoption.
Understanding Your Options
It’s likely that you have explored different options for your pregnancy, including parenting and adoption. While parenting can be a rewarding path and there are resources available to support new parents, there are a variety of valid reasons why you might decide adoption is the best option for you and your child. Deciding to learn more about the adoption process is a courageous step.
Speaking with an Options Counselor
It’s easy to feel overwhelmed as you explore your options, and the decision-making process can be emotionally difficult. That’s why options counselors are available to help guide you along the way. These counselors work for private adoption agencies or social services organizations. They provide expectant parents with unbiased, factual information, equipping them with the knowledge they need to make an informed decision.
Step 2: Choosing Your Adoption Professional
Your adoption process would typically begin with choosing an adoption professional, such as an attorney, social worker, or adoption agency. These individuals and agencies serve as advocates who guide expectant mothers through the adoption process. They help develop adoption plans, navigate legal matters, and arrange placements.
Finding a Reputable Adoption Agency or Attorney
Choosing a quality adoption agency is crucial to receiving the support you deserve. Reputable agencies hold accreditation from their state’s Department of Human Services or Accreditation Council. A good adoption agency also provides birth mothers with counseling, before and after the adoption is finalized. Many nonprofits, in particular, offer birth mothers one-on-one assistance through an attorney, social worker, or counselor.
The Role of Your Social Worker/Counselor
Your social worker or counselor is there to serve as your advocate, from start to finish. They explain in depth how to place a baby for adoption, and help you navigate the legal intricacies and emotional aspects of the process. Your social worker also assists in making an adoption plan that puts you in control of your adoption journey.
Step 3: Creating Your Personal Adoption Plan
From selecting an adoptive family to receiving post-placement counseling, your adoption plan defines your wishes at every step of the process. You alone decide what type of adoption you are seeking, what qualities you prefer in an adoptive family, and your preferences for labor and delivery.
Deciding on the Level of Openness
The level of openness you choose ultimately depends on how much future contact you wish to have with your child and their adoptive family, and how often.
Open adoptions, in which the birth mother maintains regular contact with her child, are increasingly common. This option allows you to create a plan for communicating directly with your child and their adoptive family after placement. In a semi-open adoption, your adoption professional serves as a mediator for correspondence between you and your child and the adoptive family. In a closed adoption, you do not have any further contact with your child.
Choosing the Right Adoptive Family for Your Child
You want your baby to live the best life possible, and there are many loving couples and individuals waiting to adopt. Choosing an adoptive family is no easy task, but defining the qualities you prefer in a family can help you narrow down your options. For example, do you want your baby placed with a two-parent family or a single parent? A same-sex couple? Would you prefer your baby to have siblings, or remain an only child?
Using your adoption plan as a guide, your agent or attorney can match you with prospective parents. You may meet with these adoptive families and ask questions before making a final decision.
Making a Hospital Plan
Your adoption plan puts you in control of your hospital experience. You may want your plan to address certain questions, such as:
- Will family or friends be allowed in the delivery room? In your hospital room?
- Will the adoptive family be allowed in the delivery room?
- How much alone time, if any, do you want with the baby?
- Who will be the first to hold the baby?
Step 4: The Hospital Stay and Placement
Labor, delivery, and placement are, without a doubt, the most emotionally difficult phases of the adoption process. You are likely to experience a variety of intense feelings during this period. Preparing your adoption plan ahead of time can remove some of the stress from your hospital stay, and ensure that you remain in control throughout the experience.
What to Expect During Labor and Delivery
Prior to delivery, your adoption professional or social worker will give the doctors and nurses a copy of your hospital plan. This ensures that the staff follows your directives and respects your wishes before, during, and after you give birth. Remember that it’s okay to make changes to your hospital plan at any point during labor and delivery.
Signing the Legal Paperwork
Most adoption paperwork isn’t submitted until the baby is born, and you retain parental rights over your baby until the legal papers are signed. While laws differ from state to state, most require a days- or weeks-long waiting period before a birth mother can legally complete the adoption.
In addition, most states maintain a revocation period after the paperwork is signed. During this period, a birth mother can legally change her mind and end the adoption process.
The Emotional Experience of Placement
Placing your child for adoption is a courageous act, but that doesn’t make the experience of placement any less difficult or emotionally intense. It’s okay to have mixed feelings as you place your child with your chosen family. You’re giving them the gift of a future with a loving family.
Step 5: Life After Placement
Life will undoubtedly be different after placement, but you don’t have to navigate it alone. Good adoption agencies provide birth mothers with lasting assistance. Counselors, support groups, facilitators, and social workers are available to help you explore your feelings surrounding the adoption.
It’s natural to feel doubt and grief after placement. However, strong emotions don’t mean you’ve made a mistake. Remember your reasons for choosing adoption and take heart in those. Still, feelings of sadness are normal and valid. A counselor can help you process the strong emotions surrounding placement.
Accessing Post-Placement Counseling and Support
You have many options for support, even after placement. Reputable, licensed adoption agencies typically provide birth mothers with free, lifelong post-placement counseling. In addition, many agencies operate support groups for birth mothers. In independent adoptions, the adoptive parents may be required by state law to pay for the birth mother’s counseling over a set period of time.
Maintaining Contact in an Open Adoption
If you choose an open adoption, your adoption plan may detail post-placement contact with your child. You and the adoptive family get to decide together what form that contact will take. Any type of contact — visits, letters, photos, or emails — can be a great way to build a connection with your child over time.
You Are in Control: Your Rights as a Birth Mother
From the start of the adoption process to the finish, you’re in control of what happens to you, your body, and your baby. You are not in this alone. As the birth mother, you have the right to
- Choose your child’s adoptive family
- Request financial assistance from the adoptive family
- Seek counseling and therapy
- Change your mind at any point during the adoption process
